Diary of an Unemployed Woman

Today I return to the ranks of the unemployed. I know you’re all jealous that I’m a lady of leisure. You imagine yourselves living such a glamorous life, jetting to places unknown, lunching with the other royalty.
Sometimes, however, a lady must repair to her manor. And she must wash dishes and feed her pets approximately 27 times per day lest they chew off her right foot.
The lady’s most important task today is journeying to the market to procure batteries. The battery in one of the smoke detectors is dying, causing the contraption to emit a chirp one time per minute. Conveniently, this smoke detector is located within feet of the office, where the lady aspires to write cover letters in hopes of procuring employment. Also conveniently, the office window looks out to the elementary school playground across the street. The lady believes the children of her kingdom are falling behind the children of the other kingdoms because they spend approximately 3 hours and 7 minutes at recess. But upon hearing the screams of the heathen children, the lady cannot find fault with the teachers for this prolonged recreation.
Must run. Time for afternoon tea.