Monthly Archives: March 2006

Scaring the shit out of your cat

Sarah and I changed the sheets on our bed yesterday. Winston, as usual, showed up to tackle the sheets, kill them, and generally make things as difficult as he could. We let him have some fun and get a few “takedowns” with the covers. He got my hand a couple times too.

Halfway through, his eyes glazed over as if he were in a trance, a look that reminds us that he is not and never will be domesticated. So, I decided to test his fierceness. I threw the sheet over him and snapped it back like a whip. He flinched, froze for an instant, and then sped out of the room.

Sarah went to check on him and came back laughing hysterically. “He went straight to the litter box and used it,” she said.

The difference a good set of ears makes

Sarah just arrived home from the grocery store. While she was gone, many cars drove by the house and Abe slept peacefully at the end of the couch. About 15 seconds before she arrived home, he abruptly sat straight up and turned to look at the front of the house. I, of course, didn’t know what was going on, until the garage door opened.

Apparently, Abe knows and can distinguish the sound of our car from the sound of every other car in the neighborhood. And he can do it when the car is at least a quarter mile away. Sarah had told me about this when we lived back in Illinois, but there were hardly any cars that went by our house then, so I had passed it off as some type of fluke.
Dogs are the best.

The woes of a Texas gardener

Back in November, Greg and I planted 40 tulip bulbs. The instructions on the back on the package promised that by April a batch of brilliant red flowers would bloom, delighting us and all our neighbors. I think the company even offered a money-back guarantee (if only I had saved the receipt). Well, we’ve had a sprinkling of ninety-degree days and have been regularly watering our flower bed for the past month. The tulip patch remains barren, not a trace of green.

I didn’t think much of it. At least not until I talked to my mom last weekend. Her tulips have sprung out of the ground, about two inches out. This is in northern Illinois, mind you, where it’s still snowing and the temperature is twenty degrees, which means there is almost no hope for my flowers.

In desperation, I started digging yesterday in the area where we planted the bulbs. I thought the leaves might be right below the surface, but they weren’t, and I dug another inch and another inch and another inch. The bulb I finally found had one tiny sprout coming out of it, certainly nothing that would produce a flower in the near future.

I come from a long line of farmers on my mom’s side. And my parents have always had a garden with all sorts of vegetables and flowers. Their flower beds tend to turn into little jungles, blooms climbing all over the place, arching over the wooden walls meant to contain them, so eager are they to grow. My brother worked as a gardener for several summers as a teenager. Am I to become the shame of my family? A brown thumb in a sea of green? Greg and I must pray that the national food supply chain never breaks down. If it does, we will be the first to starve.