Monthly Archives: May 2006

Silly Americans

I know a lot of other countries scoff at how ridiculous Americans can be. Much of the time I agree with the foreigners, and I fear that I might be married to one of the silly Americans.

Greg has been participating in a boot camp with several of his colleagues at work. Three times a week, they meet with an Army drill sergeant who runs them through all sorts of exercises and obstacles. This morning the instructor decided to have them do a “fun” exercise. He put his car in neutral and made them push it down a street, around a corner, and up a ramp into a parking garage. Did I mention that Greg is paying money to participate in this program? That’s right, folks. If your car stalls on the highway, you know who to call. Greg will gladly push your car to its destination, and you don’t even have to pay him. Heck, he will pay you for the honor.

The beautiful irony of the story is that after they finished the class, one of the participants walked back to her car to find that it would not start.

Why Winston is so unlucky with the ladies

I know some of our friends and family have probably wondered when Winston is going to find a female, when he will finally settle down and take a wife. He is, afterall, 7, which is about 50 in cat years I suppose. Well, I know why Winston remains single, and I’m going to fill you in.

Yesterday morning, I packed a tuna fish sandwich for my lunch while Winston sat nearby. (Yes, I know this may puzzle some of you. I’ve started eating tuna since I found a recipe with no mayo). Anyway, the tuna had a few too many onions in it, so I started picking them out. I had a pile of about 10 onions when Abe barked. He was waiting at the back door to come back into the house. I moved the tuna sandwich away from Winston and went to the back door to let Abe in. When I came back, my tuna sandwich remained whole. My pile of onions, however, was gone. Winston ate the whole pile.

If Winston thinks he’s going to find a lady to smooch when he’s been eating piles of onions — and not just piles of onions, but piles of onions with bits of tuna on them — well, he’s sorely mistaken. And you know he doesn’t even brush his teeth?! Isn’t that awful? Definitely no ladies on the horizon for this guy.

Luck of the draw

We went out for Chinese food tonight and got fortune cookies at the end.

My fortune: Be content with your lot. One cannot be first in everything.

Greg’s fortune: EVERYTHING will now come your way.