Like a stab through the heart with a spork

I complain almost daily to Greg about the lack of perks at my job. I have no paid time off, no health insurance, and no 401k. Meanwhile, Greg’s employer seems to be madly in love with him. He and his co-workers get excellent benefits, and they are fed a constant supply of free cereal, candy, juice, fruit, and catered lunches. They can work off all the calories in their office gym or while taking a jog in the park near their office building. When I drop Greg off at work each morning, I beg him to find me a job in his office so that I can live in this magical world with him.

Before today, I tolerated the cold shoulder my employer gives me, but I saw something in the cafeteria this afternoon that left me feeling as though I had been stabbed through the heart with a spork. We will now be charged for any extra cups, plates, or plasticware we take from the cafeteria. If I forget to bring my water bottle to work, I will have to pay 10 cents to get a styrofoam cup to drink out of. If I need a plate to hold a piece of birthday cake from an office party, I have to pay 15 cents.

What will they think of next? I’m not waiting to find out. I will be taking a roll of toilet paper to work with me tomorrow.

One thought on “Like a stab through the heart with a spork

  1. You forgot to mention you have to bring your own light bulbs and dole them out to fellow cube dwellers!

    By the way, pocket the silly fork!

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