Dog for hire

Perhaps you have heard about cancer-sniffing dogs. Scientists have been astounded to learn that some dogs can be trained to sniff out cancer. Well, we have done them one better.
We offer the world’s first cold-sniffing dog. Here is how this revolutionary animal works: The cold-sniffing dog will arrive at your house shortly after we receive your call. He’s happy to run over, but we can drive him if you prefer (he tends to run in circles). Be sure to call us at the first sign of a sniffle to take full advantage of this offer. Our dog will confirm or refute your cold suspicions. Simply blow your nose in a tissue, throw the tissue in a waste basket that is accessible to the dog, and leave the dog unattended. If the dog grabs everything out of the waste basket, tears it to shreds, and flings it about your home, you do indeed have a cold. If not, congratulations! You are not sick!*
While we do not yet fully understand the technology behind the cold-detecting dog, we guarantee that it works. If you’re not fully satisfied, we will provide a refund.**

*Please note that the dog only sniffs out colds. His failure to find a cold does not guarantee you are healthy. You may have dizziness, nausea, headache, dry-mouth, breast tenderness, or constipation.
**Refund does not include cleaning of your tissue-strewn home.