Saga of a lawn mower

When Greg went to mow the lawn for the first time back in March, our lawn mower refused to cooperate. It would run for two or three minutes before deciding to quit and refusing to restart. If he tried again an hour later, it would usually start and quit again. I’m sure a few head of cattle could have handled our yard much more efficiently.

Greg felt secret jubilation. He will not admit this, but I am a wife and I know these things. He suggested that we call a teen in the neighborhood to handle our yard care. I suggested that he fix the lawn mower.

You see, Greg had never actually done any sort of maintenance on the lawn mower, unless you count adding gasoline. Five years without an oil change or a sharpening of the blade. And now that I think about it, he’s probably been waiting every day of those five years for the mower to die. So I suggested that he try a few minor fixes, such as an oil change and a new spark plug. Maybe there was a simple $10 fix.

Greg grudgingly went about the fixes, but still the mower failed. Should we buy a new one? Greg thought that we should hire someone, and I thought that we didn’t need the extra expense given that we had a new baby. In the long run, buying a new mower was cheaper than hiring someone.

Well, Greg wasn’t going to buy a new mower now, not after he had invested a couple hours already trying to fix the mower. So the following weekend he tried a few more things – putting in new gasoline and checking the fuel line. A few more hours were lost, and still the lawn mower failed. At this point, Greg was trying to do most of our yard work with the weed whacker. Another week passed, and he spent more time working on the mower. I insisted we buy a new one. He insisted that after spending eight hours and about $75, he couldn’t quit now.

After four weeks of this nonsense, I persuaded him to buy a new mower. And it wasn’t even new. It was refurbished. The mower works great, and I saw how relieved Greg was to not have to worry about the old one.

Except it’s still sitting in our garage. I asked Greg how we could get rid of it. He said he wants to keep it, that he’s going to work on it in his “spare time.” What spare time? It’s been three months since he had an eight-hour night of sleep.

And why does a man who hates to mow the lawn want two lawn mowers? He’s punishing me, right?