Baby violence: Check for the signs

I’m here today to talk about baby violence. I’m not referring to violence against babies, though of course that is a horrible crime. No, I’m talking about violence committed by babies.

Perhaps you or someone you know has been a victim of baby violence. Victims of baby violence may have scratches, bites, bruises, exhaustion and baldness. Babies use their razor-sharp body parts, including fingernails and teeth, to inflict injury. And those heads that everyone cradles so delicately are actually nose-breaking machines.

Do not approach a baby you do not know as babies may attempt to tear off your freckles, moles and even nipples with their bare hands. If you know someone who has been a victim of baby violence, alert the authorities. Victims of baby violence are often reluctant to ask for help. “She didn’t mean to do it,” the victims will say. “Oh, but she’s so sweet and innocent.”

Do not be fooled. Babies have perpetuated this myth of innocence for centuries. They are intent on taking over the world and will stop at nothing to reach that goal.