Perseverance and grace

I have a few friends who are raising only children. They, too, have ridden the infertility roller coaster and decided to get off and be happy with the life they have. I sometimes ask myself why I can’t do the same. How about a little grace?

Plenty of people have told me how grateful I should be for Eleanor. Perhaps my drive to have another baby makes me look ungrateful. Or maybe they just see me as needing a reminder. I am very grateful for Eleanor — every single day. My desire to have another baby is not because of some lack in my life. It is because my life is so rich and because I love being Eleanor’s mom.

Hot roddin'

(How could you not love her?)

Genevieve has a role as well. Before I became pregnant with her, Greg and I had talked about just keeping our family of three. I think I might have grown comfortable with that if I hadn’t gone through the pregnancy, if the infertility had shown up then instead.

I want Eleanor to learn both perseverance and grace, and the best way to teach something is to make your own life an example. I hope that she never goes through anything as difficult as what her dad and I have. Life will inevitably knock her down somehow though. And hopefully she will know when to fight and when to give thanks for what she has and move on.

Me and my girl

 

3 thoughts on “Perseverance and grace

  1. Hi Sarah, what a beautiful picture of you and Elenore. While our reasons for infertility may be different, I am here if you ever need to talk. We were “diagnosed” just about 10 years ago. It has been a very long struggle, there have been ups and there have been downs. And it is ok to grieve for the daughter you lost, as well as the children that could have been. I truly hope that you can find peace in your heart and mind. I still struggle regularly… Before my hysterectomy there was always a small glimmer of hope in my heart. I hated hat small nagging glimmer while it was here, and now that it is gone, I miss having hope. Ok…so this wasn’t supposed to be a downer comment. But my point is, that you have the right to feel, hunger, grieve, etc… Whatever you are feeling, you have a right to do so.

  2. Eleanor is quite a little cutie! I know how you feel. I try to focus on being grateful for what we have, even though we don’t have a living child. We have so much. But my view on having our own child changed after our loss. Before I got pregnant the first time, I had a conversation with my husband about possibly just adopting. And I felt a little sad about it, but i felt that it was something I could deal with. After our stillbirth & miscarriage, we still are open to adopting. But I feel more strongly than ever that I want my own biological child as well.

    I think it’s great you’re going for it. There might come a time when you do get off the fertility roller coaster, as you say, and you can deal with that with grace then. But for now, you don’t have to.

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